My hypothesis paper is actually finished in a format that mBio would accept for a preliminary review, it’s just that I don’t want to try to publish it without testing the hypothesis and turning it into a real paper. I have not been able to contact Dr. S yet (and this reticence on a subject that should be dear to his heart, studies of the bacterium he patented, makes me wonder whom I am talking to at all, honestly- he’s been supportive but not offering scientific advice of any use, which makes me think I’m actually talking to someone else). The importance of Zoom at a time like this can’t be understated.
So while I finish things for my soil ecology lab job, I am keeping, in the back of my mind, a list of things to do to dust off the proposals I have written already and see if they can be funded by a non-NIH program, or if I can find someone else to help. It honestly would be so much easier if I had a laboratory of my own since the work really is not that difficult- the hardest part is finding a person with expertise in preclinical studies and lymphoma diagnostics, and a few pieces of equipment. The right collaborator would be fine. All the molecular work I’ve envisioned is not particularly hard- I’ve done the basic stuff already in a borrowed lab at UCLA in a few days in 2014, using bits and pieces of used kits and reagents. I work on a campus with a veterinary college, it is not impossible to find a cancer specialist. Just that I need to be able to interest someone in the work AND find a colleague that won’t leave me hanging. Money in hand helps a lot.
I know it’s likely they mock me for this blog, and at the same time avidly try to read between the lines to figure out what I’m really thinking or what the details of my work really are- this was my experience for 11 months and it was awful. They even had a “What Are You Thinking About” segment in “lab meetings” and I’d lie about what I was thinking about. Those segments stopped when I confided in several people that I had no intention of ever telling anyone what I was thinking of.
I’m glad I worked in a healthier environment after that, and while I continue to wonder about some of my colleagues (like Dr. S- he really has been underinvolved), I am so much more productive when I’m not paranoid all the time.
[Update: I still am struggling with paranoid symptoms but I am on the mend. In the meantime, I’ve made some good progress with soil ecology projects, and as for Project: Cancer-Fighting Gut Bacteria, I know it’s a tough sell just as a theory with no supporting evidence. I’ve had a colleague read the paper and he says it is “wild”, and not entirely convincing because of this. When I am feeling better I will see what I can do to write a grant with someone supportive with the right background, to finally nail this down.]